blaming others

We went to the museum today and I acted like a crappy person. And I was a crappy person because I could not transfer into 3 yr old logic why he could not go to see Grossology. So instead of trying to explain that I didn't have access because I wasn't on his parent's museum account (which has never been questioned before), and instead of ignoring his request, and instead of sucking it up and owning the blame-- I blamed the front desk woman-- in front of the front desk woman,

"She says we can't go C."
(howls)
"No. I'm sorry. She said no."

If that woman had laser beams in her eyes she would have cooked me on the spot.

But I really don't feel that bad (for her). I expected extra help. I have three children under the age of 7, and because you want $12 out of me, you deny me access to the pass that their parents paid too much money for already (and that I've already used like 5x before without showing any i.d.)?

I was not going to take the fall for that... unless I get to leave the 3 year old at the front desk.

an intro

so for those of you who may not know, I'm a nanny-- amongst other things--- but those other things get put off sometimes because the boys take up an unreal amount of time. I was joking with a friend that I'm a part-time single mom; which I sometimes I really start to feel (of every week day, 12 hours are spent getting to/being at/leaving the boys' home).

But of course I am not in fact anything like a mom (as Robbie once told me, "You're not my real boss")-- I am not feeding, sheltering, schooling, playing with, or dressing the boys as I would my own sons-- instead I'm trying to mimic (to a degree) what their parents find acceptable.

The big kicker is then, that these little people are constantly on my mind, invariably needing a new way to be entertained, ready to test my ever expanding patience, frequently my responsibility, a source of quasi-parenting knowledge, constantly mistaken to be my little people- but are not.

And because they are all those things, and not that one thing, my job impacts me in a personal way that past jobs have not...

i'm a bit new to this- i'm sure i'll adjust

I haven't ever blogged before- it kind of always seemed like a neurotically extroverted journal.... but while I've never had much use for private journal writing, there is something to public airing my thoughts....

so here we go.